Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I decided...Honest look into why I am me.

  I have come a long way over the past two years. I don't know if anyone else noticed the difference, and that's okay. I noticed and that's all that mattered.

 The old me was a really cruel and hateful person.  If I was against something, I proudly, and very bluntly expressed it.  It was my right to voice my opinion on my wall, if you didn't like it, you could leave. I didn't care at all about the effect it might have on someone else. I judged everyone. Most of it was really stupid issues that are clearly none of my business. Those that were important, well, I could have gone about the whole thing in a much nicer way, or better yet, stayed out of it!

 From circumcision to abortion... Co sleeping moms to CIO mom's, I had an opinion about it.  If yours clashed with mine, you got an ear full from me.  My facebook page was a wall of one cruel judgement after another cruel judgement. I'm not 100% sure why I was that way.  Probably thinking if I showed enough solid proof, I could change everyone to "MY" line of thinking. Stupid thought! You're either preaching to the choir or making someone else angry.

  I don't recall exactly what it was that opened my eyes to a new line of thinking.  It was probably a mix of different things I was going through at the time.  I do remember the day I decided to change.  I took a vow of piece. To love and not judge.


  Believe me, it wasn't easy. Someone would post something and I was itching to share if I agreed, or fire back with what I thought if I didn't.

  This doesn't mean that my ideas changed.  Some, in fact, are still the very same.  I will gladly even talk about it with someone, IF they ask me first what I think.

  Gone is the judgement.  Judging folks is wrong!  We aren't suppose to judge, we seriously lack in the compassion to judge one properly.  What gives ME the right to even think I can tell someone else how they should be living their life. What gives ME the right to tell someone else they are doing wrong?!? It is NOT my right, it's NOT my business.

  I have been on the receiving end often. It's rough, I don't really fit in anywhere. I've been judged for being "earthy", been judged about being a pageant mom (full blog post on that coming!), been judged for unschooling/homeschooling, judged on the number of kids I have, you know what, I probably can't do my own hair without someone else having a strong opinion about that!  That's okay, I was once where that person was. Inside they are mean and ugly. Not me! Not anymore! I have been set free!

  People don't want to stick around people that are judging them anyway.  If you really want to win someone over, you do it in love.  I have no life lessons for anyone.  I am a normal human that screws up daily.  When judgement comes in it makes me question my own worth. Some days are better than most, some days are just awful. Judge me on the day I am down, and you might as well kick the wind out of me.  Judgement hurts.  People that are struggling and having a rough time usually are where they are at because of being hurt by judgement and from feeling unloved. Judge them more, and guess what, you're kicking them when they are already down.

  I don't want any part of that, I won't stick around and watch it happen to people either.  It makes me sad to see other people being hurt.  It hurts my heart.  Good people, that have just as much right at being happy as anyone else. No good comes from hurting people, even if you are the one that is right.

  I want to live in a world that is peaceful, happy, everyone gets along and loves each other. I get it, that's asking a lot.  But you know what?  I can change me, I can change MY world, my home, my happiness, my own outlook in life. I am in total control of the joy that is inside me and I am FINALLY at the place where no one can take that away from me. I won't allow it. I can't change the world, but I can change me! Judgement is gone, all that is left is love.