Tuesday, March 6, 2012
I remember your birth probably better than any of your siblings. I remember the whole day perfectly, like it was yesterday. Down to what I had for lunch, what I had for dinner, what I was wearing, every little detail. I remember.
I remember pushing you out and catching you with my own hands. I can not put into words how I felt at that moment. How do you describe being thrilled and excited one second and scared and sad the next? I felt life leave your tiny body with in seconds of you being born. I kept thinking "was I handed this baby only to have him taken away?" Most of what happened next was a blur. I think I blacked out just from the shock of it all. I remember your Aunt Susanna coming over to me saying you were breathing and trying to cry.
I was brought in to lay next to you, and I rubbed your little head telling you how much I loved you and to please stay with me. You fought so hard.
33 days you spent in NICU, 33 long days. For 8 of those we didn't even know if you would make it. I stayed by your side as much as they let me, singing to you, reading to you, telling you about your brother and sister, talking to you about anything and everything. :) You got an earful! They sometimes had to kick me out because you seemed to like my voice and you would fight the medicine they had you on to rest and start opening your eyes or kicking your little feet.
For the first 10 days of your life I was hardly allowed to even touch you. Your little hands had i.v's and other things in them so I usually held your little foot. I will never forget the first time you opened your eyes and really saw me. You were 11 days old and I was finally allowed to hold you in my arms. You looked up at me as if to day "everything is going to be okay now!" And it was!
Sure we had a lot of struggles the first year, but I am so thankful and grateful for your life and every moment we have had together. Even in the hard times. Those hard times and long days full of work were worth our effort, because you are doing everything they said you never would.
You came into this world in such a harsh way, yet you bring so much calm to our lives. You are such a sweet and kind boy. You have a smile that warms up a room and melts my heart every single time. You have taught me so much. I am a much better mom and person because of you.
4 years ago today we were so unsure of everything, now I would live it all over again a thousand times to have you here with me. I love you so much Liam, it has been a real pleasure watching you grow into the person you are becoming. I am one blessed person because you picked me to be your mama. I love you!